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ABC Reviews: Encyclopedia of Things That Never Were

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Encyclopedia of Things That Never Were

Michael Page and Robert Ingpen

The Encylopedia of Things That Never Were (EoTTNW for short) is one of the big books of creature reference. And by big I mean it’ll be one of the tallest books on your shelf. It’s not only about creatures either, but it was my introduction to a lot of the more famous and somewhat obscure monsters out there. Is it worth a gander? Let’s find out.

You can get it here and here if you so desire.

Scope

Vast. This has the broadest appeal of any book I’ve reviewed so far. It doesn’t just have creatures, it has gods, heroes, places, esoteric procedures, and literary allusions. You can read up on alectromancy, masks, rattles, swords, and voodoo as well as wizards, dragons, manticores, and gnomes. EoTTNW is an encyclopedia and it’s worthy of that title.

Organization

Six main chapters. Of the Cosmos is gods, heroes, creation myths, and astral beings. Of the Ground and Underground covers terrestrial entites. Of Wonderland discusses places real and imagined. Of Magic, Science, and Invention is about, er, magic, science, and invention. Of Water, Sky and Air does the same for non-terrestrial beings, and Of the Night is about ghosts and vampires and other evil beings.

Each chapter has entries arranged alphabetically, encyclopedia-style in three columns, with artwork taking up to a whole page.

Text

Straightforward and lucid, as befits an encyclopedia. Doesn’t try to be too academic or too flippant, which is good. The pre-chapter essays are nice and atmospheric. A lot of the entries tell a story, too – check out, say, Satan, or Wendigo, or the retelling of the entire Dorian Gray story under “Drawings, Paintings, Portraits etc”.

If you’re just in it for the creatures, those are mainly in chapters 2, 5, and 6. This isn’t a creature book though, more of a big overview of myth and imagination.

Images

Quite lovely and masterfully done. Often somewhat abstract and mood-setting, such as a shapeless Grendel lurching out of the darkness at Beowulf, a tiny ship lost in the Mare Tenebrosum, or a creepy doll-house of omens. There’s the familiar abatwa-and-pet-ant, a sea serpent drowning a whale, Sakarabru looming over a village, the bunyip and the whowie… They’re detailed, colorful, evocative, and sometimes quite spooky.

One problem I do have is the rampant art copying, which is acknowledged off-handedly at the bottom of the very last page. It’s just weird seeing Boticelli’s Venus standing in for the Nereids, or a faithful reproduction of Tenniel’s Jabberwock among the dragons (minus waistcoat, alas). The yakkus on page 84 are copied in the triad on page 218. Stuff like that. It’s not… wrong, I guess, but I’m sure the artist could have done better.

Research

Confusing. There are references at the end (yay!) but not attached to individual entries (boo!). And there is some dodgy research. I’ve mentioned the Acheri thing before on this site, for instance. But why is the ahuizotl a generic lake monster with no mention of its defining traits? Why are the notoriously touchy, poison-arrow-shooting Abatwa described as shy and “not a warlike race”? Why is the Wendigo based entirely on Algernon Blackwood’s version? And where on Earth did the barbegazi come from? I’ve been unable to find them in anything that doesn’t directly come from this book.

Those are, of course, creature-specific complaints. I didn’t see anything especially wrong in other fields but scholars of those may well have their quibbles.

Summary

A great, beautiful, and impressive book, with just enough mistakes and inaccuracies and art issues that I can’t give it an entire 4 gigelorums. It’s still a perfect introduction to fantasy staples in general. While I can’t recommend it as a cornerstone creature reference, it is an outstanding encyclopedia of the fantastic.

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C. megalodon is a monster right? I still think this is the best illustration ever made in a scientific paper.

I had delusions of being a paleontologist once y’see


Halloween Spooktacular – The Water Ghost of Harrowby Hall

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Hello kiddies! Hehehehe…. Inasmuch as Halloween is coming up, I figured I’d step way, way out of my comfort zone and cover some ghosts, spectres, revenants, and other animated unliving undead things. ABC is not about those for the sake of focus, so why not talk about them here? I will endeavor to bring you some of those obscure spirits over the next few days. But there isn’t a ghost of a chance they’ll end up in the book! Hahahahaha!

Ahem. Our first entry in our Halloween Spooktacular is the Water Ghost of Harrowby Hall, from the short story of the same name by John Kendrick Bangs. I have vivid memories of this story because it was in one of those reading textbooks and I really liked the ghost. But little did I know of an important alteration that had been made…

Onwards! You can read the entire story at this site, and both the images (illustrator unknown) are from there. I could post the entire story here but I’d rather not!

The first paragraph of the story lets us know straight away what the problem is.

The trouble with Harrowby Hall was that it was haunted, what was worse, the ghost did not content itself with merely appearing at the bedside of the afflicted person who saw it, but persisted in remaining there for one mortal hour before it would disappear.

It never appeared except on Christmas eve, and then as the clock was striking twelve, in which respect alone was it lacking in that originality which in these days is a sine qua non of success in spectral life.

The ghost in question is the Water Ghost, a “damp and dewy lady” with “cavernous blue eyes”, a “gurgling voice”, and “long, aqueously bony fingers” twined with “bits of dripping seaweed”. She shows up and sticks around her victim for one whole hour, successfully drenching them, soaking their clothes, flooding their surroundings, and dampening their spirits.

water ghost01

Who is our leading lady? She reveals herself to be a distant ancestor of the Oglethorpes that live in Harrowby Hall.

“I was not to blame, sir,” returned the lady. “It was my father’s fault. He it was who built Harrowby Hall, and the haunted chamber was to have been mine. My father had it furnished in pink and yellow, knowing well that blue and gray formed the only combination of color I could tolerate. He did it merely to spite me, and, with what I deem a proper spirit, I declined to live in the room; whereupon my father said I could live there or on the lawn, he didn’t care which. That night I ran from the house and jumped over the cliff into the sea.”

“That was rash,” said the master of Harrowby.

“So I’ve heard,” returned the ghost. “If I had known what the consequences were to be I should not have jumped; but I really never realized what I was doing until after I was drowned. I had been drowned a week when a sea nymph came to me and informed me that I was to be one of her followers forever afterwards, adding that it should be my doom to haunt Harrowby Hall for one hour every Christmas eve throughout the rest of eternity. I was to haunt that room on such Christmas eves as I found it inhabited; and if it should turn out not to be inhabited, I was and am to spend the allotted hour with the head of the house.”

She is also not above some repartee with her haunting victims either.

“Far be it from me to be impolite to a woman, madam, but I’m hanged if it wouldn’t please me better if you’d stop these infernal visits of yours to this house. Go sit out on the lake, if you like that sort of thing; soak the water-butt, if you wish; but do not, I implore you, come into a gentleman’s house and saturate him and his possessions in this way. It is damned disagreeable.”

“Henry Hartwick Oglethorpe,” said the ghost, in a gurgling voice, “you don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Madam,” returned the unhappy householder, “I wish that remark were strictly truthful. I was talking about you. It would be shillings and pence — nay, pounds, in my pocket, madam, if I did not know you.”

“That is a bit of specious nonsense,” returned the ghost, throwing a quart of indignation into the face of the master of Harrowby. “[…] It is no pleasure to me to enter this house, and ruin and mildew everything I touch. I never aspired to be a shower-bath, but it is my doom. Do you know who I am?”

“No, I don’t,” returned the master of Harrowby. “I should say you were the Lady of the Lake, or Little Sallie Waters.”

“You are a witty man for your years,” said the ghost.

“Well, my humor is drier than yours ever will be,” returned the master.

“No doubt. I’m never dry. I am the Water Ghost of Harrowby Hall, and dryness is a quality entirely beyond my wildest hope. I have been the incumbent of this highly unpleasant office for two hundred years tonight.”

She continues to plague the masters of Harrowby Hall until the newest heir finds himself a diving suit, which he stuffs with warm clothing and wears, remaining perfectly dry.

water ghost08

Then he gets rid of her, in a twist that caught younger-me by surprise and which I saw as being needlessly cruel. He goes for a stroll in the cold winter air, and the ghost has no choice but to follow him. She freezes solid in the middle of crying and begging him for mercy. Then she is shipped off to a refrigerated warehouse to stay for the foreseeable future. The end! *laugh track*

… or is it? While this fate worse than death seemed to be a straightforward ending and we’re supposed to sympathize with Oglethorpe, it turns out that the reading book I got it from had pruned the very last paragraph, which, when added, suggests a whole new way to read the story.

As for the heir of Harrowby, his success in coping with a ghost has made him famous, a fame that still lingers about him, although his victory took place some twenty years ago; and so far from being unpopular with the fair sex, as he was when we first knew him, he has not only been married twice, but is to lead a third bride to the altar before the year is out.

Oh. Oh…

Not that the story isn’t open to feminist readings, what with sentences like a “sudden incursion of aqueous femininity”. But I’ll leave the reader to discover and judge for themselves.

That’s it for now. Tuck yourselves in, have a nice drink of water… do you thirst for more? HAW HAW HAW!


Halloween Spooktacular – The Fiend at 7, Rue de M-

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The Affair at 7, Rue de M- is a short story written by one John Steinbeck. You may have heard of him. It details the chilling encounter of the author and his son with a “gray tumorous lump”, a soulless monster possessed of “evil calculating wiliness”, a lifeless yet living fiend that possesses its victims and chews them… That’s right, I’m talking about what can only be described as a

Photo 10-28-17, 5 19 18 PM

This sticky monster is capable of moving like an amoeba, forcing itself into the mouth of an unwitting child, and forcing its victim to chew ceaselessly. It needs to be chewed to survive, but it is virtually indestructible otherwise, surviving being burnt up, tossed into the Seine, flung into the countryside and run over by cars… Only by sealing it up in an airtight container can Our Hero cause it to die (if it was ever alive) of starvation over a week’s time.

It will find you. It cannot be bargained or reasoned with. And it will not stop, ever, until you’ve doubled your pleasure, doubled your fun.


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Squish dragon? Doodle inspired by a slug eating a sea anemone.


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Everyone loves a good monster for Halloween. How about the cute duck leech or nose leech, Theromyzon? Lookit the little eyes!

(http://www.ndfreshwaterinverts.vcsu.edu/php/detail.php?idnum=21&p=Annelida&c=Clitellata&gn=Theromyzon)

And here is one being a good parent~

(http://www.uniprot.org/taxonomy/13286)

But, of course, the real reason Theromyzon is being featured is because of its favorite place to hang out, which is, well, duck noses.

(http://wildlifedisease.unbc.ca/nasal_leeches.htm)

And that’s probably the tamest pic, you can find more gruesome stuff yourself.

Which brings me to one of my favorite expressions, one in French, which is tirer les vers du nez (“pulling the worms from the nose”). It means “drawing out information through questioning”, but why it is what it is is… well, no idea.

Nose leeches. I want one. :3


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Barnacle goose? Tumblr prompted.


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Another tumblr inspiration, a coeladragon.

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The Dictionnaire Infernal‘s Cerberus is a dandy fellow.

ABC Image Miniquiz!

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What do you think this creature is? Yes, it’s a real animal that got lost in translation.

From Ulyssis Aldrovandi’s Natural History.

ABC Image Miniquiz – The Solution!

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How did you do? Did you guess correctly? There were some great prognostications for this weird sea serpenty thing, with the thing coming out of its head identified as a blowhole spouting water or an oarfish’s frilly crest.

It’s neither. It’s made of flesh and it’s sticky.

Think you can handle the truth now?

This creature is a Reversus Indicus, an Indian upside-down fish. You probably know if better as the humble remora.

That’s right. This is what a remora looks like in real life.

Echeneis_naucrates

(Image from Wikipedia)

How did it end up looking like the thing at the top? For a start, the strange fleshy blowholey umbrella coming out of its head is an extremely confused rendition of the remora’s suction disc, as seen below.

Remora_remora_1

(Image from Wikipedia)

Second, it’s derived from an account of fishing using remoras (specifically that of Christopher Columbus, itself probably spurious). Remoras have historically been leashed with ropes and sent to adhere to fish or turtles. Then all you have to do is reel ’em in! But somewhere along the line this “hunter fish” got interpreted as this big eel aggressively seizing other sea creatures. Notice how it’s sticking to a seal, and there’s a sea turtle nearby (it’s next).

Remoras-on-loggerhead-turtle

(Image from Arkive)

And, of course, since remoras often stick upside down to other animals and have generally weird anatomy, we ended up with the reversus, the reversed fish.

Moral of the story is never underestimate just how much people can get confused about an animal’s appearance.

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Agostino Veneziano, Dragon and Butterfly.

The Warburg Institute, London.

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Arent van Bolten, Monster.

British Museum, London.

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The Heraldic Zoo. Grandville, Un Autre Monde.

The ABCs of ABC – A

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A is for… Abada

According to Olfert Dapper, the African unicorn called the Abada has two horns – one on its forehead, and one on its nape. Maybe he was really confused about where a rhino’s eyes are?


The ABCs of ABC – B

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B is for… Bøjg

bojg

Peer Gynt runs into the Great Bøjg of Etnedal during his adventures. It is huge, shapeless, slimy, slippery, and misty; it impedes Peer’s movements no matter where he turns. Running into this troll feels like blundering into a den of sleepy growly bears. Which is an adorable simile.

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Radiolaria_(Challenger)_Plate_119

You will never be as pretty – or have as pretty a name – as the radiolarian Gorgonetta mirabilis, the “amazing little gorgon”.

Image from HMS Challenger’s report on radiolaria, found on Wikimedia.

Obscure Modern Monsters: The Lobsterpocalypse

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Reallllly stretching the definition of “modern” here, but I wanted to bring this up in some form anyway. Back in the grim darkness of July 1900, Pearson’s Magazine ran an article by Herbert C. Fyfe and illustrated by Warwick Goble. It was somewhat ominously titled.

theend

The article in question covered a whole bunch of a different catastrophic ends that could befall the world (and specifically humanity), with a lot of reference to H. G. Wells, of course. Below is Goble’s rendition of the “loathsome animals” inhabiting the frozen world of the far future. They’re not so loathsome to me though, considering they look like The Muppet from the Black Lagoon. Cute actually!

loathsome

But the most memorable image from the story is what I’ve come to call the Lobsterpocalypse, or “the extinction of man by the enormous increase and spread of a lower order”, or otherwise a really odd misunderstanding of evolutionary timescales. And the most terrifying creature that could do this? A crab.

Fossil remains of crabs, 6ft. in length, have been discovered, and such enormous creatures might – owing to some cause or other – multiply exceedingly.

If we imagine a shark that could raid out upon the land, or a tiger that could take refuge in the sea, we should have a fair suggestion of what a terrible monster a large predatory crab might prove. And, so far as zoological science goes, we must, at least, admit that such a creation is an evolutionary possibility.

Then there are the cuttlefish, the octopus, and other denizens of the deep, any of which might conceivably grow in numbers, and extinguish man.

Goble, however, draws neither crab nor cephalopod, instead placing a huge monster lobster (mobster?) front and center about to make sashimi out of well-dressed turn-of-the-century beachgoers. Accompanying it are a sea serpent and – horror of horrors – a Galapagos tortoise.

lobsterpocalypse

I for one welcome our new crustacean overlords.

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The ABCs of ABC – C

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C is for… Chang Nam

The minuscule Chang Nam – “water elephant” – of Thailand is a feared and deadly creature. Despite being the size of mouse, this poisonous pint-sized pachyderm can kill merely by stabbing a person’s shadow or reflection.

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